Im just another statistic

This is going to be the hardest blog I've ever written, even harder than my last one. Pressing post will be super hard but it's going to be my way of admitting my weakness.
I've been fighting against self harm for a while now, I have been ignoring urges to start. This past week hasn't gone well for the battle. I was doing so well untill Wednesday night where I started itching my shoulder and without realising it I was scratching away the skin. I didn't feel bad about it, I felt better, I felt as if I could finaly sleep. For the next two days it happend every night to help me sleep. Then on the Saturday, I was tired, sick on not in a good mood so it happend but one step worce. I took the blade out of my hair razor and started cutting. But this didn't feel like I was doing it to sleep, it felt like I was doing it as a punishment. I'm not proud of myself for starting and worst of all carrying on. I feel like a scum bag but I just can't stop.
Im trying so hard to tell my friend but I don't want to do it over the Internet or phone, I want to do it face to face. Unfortunately I wont see her until school and I don't want to do it in there. I think it would destroy her. She told me befor I started, when I was just fighting the urge, that she didn't think she could cope if I started because I am the only one of our friend group who has been strong enough not to do it. But now I have, I'm not the strong one, I'm not the one giving out advice. I'm the one needing it.
I don't even I know why I'm posting this, it's horrible. I don't want people to know really but I feel as UFO must do this. Maybe I'm hoping my friend will see it and it won't be as hard to tell her, maybe I'm hoping for advice. I don't know. All I know is that I'm just another statistic. Another 2 in 10 teens self harming. Another child heading down the road of pain and suffering. Its not a fun place to be and I hate it, every it of it :( I wish I could stop... I just don't know how

Somewhere to vent

I need a place to vent feelings, I've been needing it for sometime now but I haven't been able to find the right Place where I will be heard but my family wouldn't know, that used to be my YouTube but then my brother subscribed to me so now I have know where.

I feels as if the devil is on my shoulder, tempting me to things i promise my self I would never do. Everything is all over the place and I still can't deal with my friends self harming. It's tearing me appart when I here they've done it again, or show me the cuts! In side I'm being destroyed by built up anger, fear and depression. Its so tempting to start self harm, but I'm holding back, I can't do that to my friends. I feel as if I'm the only strong person they have to count on. It I go down that road, I can't imagen what would happen. Sometimes I just want to leave the house, walk to some random feild and stay there all night, get away from life for a few hours. Everything seems hard now, just waking up in the morning is a struggle. I hate it. I hate feeling helpless, I just want it to stop, all of it. It's killing me. So much to think about, so much to watch out for, so much to do. I just can't handle it. Eom even finding it hard to find inspiration to move forward in music, something that used to come naturally. I'm in a dark pit of my life. It seems that curling up and blanking everything is the only easy way to get through it but I just can't do it.

I can't really talk, my life is know where near as bad as some people's, infact it's not bad at all. Some people would envy my life I have family and friends who love me. I have everything I need but yet I feel so alone, more alone than ever!

drunk on Orangena!!

hay guys!!! I'm bk from france :3

SO yeah, it was so good snowboarding again and I'm glad i went.. even if i was the youngest there. The second youngest was in their last year of university so i was pretty young.

Getting the plain there was a pain because we had to wake up for 5AM!!! and it was on the day when the clocks changed so it ended up feeling like 4AM!!!!!!!! urrgggggg :( i was not a happy bunny

and then when we got there the line was huge!

see this picture, this was the loop point of the line. It starts near the beginning then bends round to the shops and back to the beginning. It took forever!!!!! so i was evil and sent all my friends text at like 6:30AM on a sunday, MWAHAHAHAAHAHAH!!!!

But other than that the flight was really good, short but good. I managed to listen to the albums:

Stand Up And Scream by Asking Alexandria

Bones by Young Guns

and half of Smart Casual by Kids In Glass Houses

it was fun :3

oh and did i mention that my nails were EPIC!!!!!!!!!!! 

Freakin' Super Mario Mushrooms!! 

From the hotel we had a really nice view of the mountains and shizz. there was also a really cute dog that bounced around the snow for ages then randomly dive into it. LOL

I ate sooooooooooo much food, it was terrible. Breakfast, snack, coffee break, Tea & Cake and a 3 Corce Meal. Not to mention my new love...

Harry Bow Smerfs <3

oh how i love them so much :')

I felt like i had to prove to people that there was snow because it was so late in the year so i went out for a walk one afternoon to the bunny slopes where i messed around with my camera :3

unfortunately we didn't get any of us actually snowboarding but i got these on coffee break :D

I also drank fuck loads go orangena!! that stuff is soo good. Im pretty sure that on the last night i got drunk on it. I hadn't drunken any alcohol because i don't drink but i did have like 8 orangenas and when i went to bed i felt sick! like honest to god I'm gonna puke!

Oh and did I mention that my hair was red agin.

If you read my last post i said i was gonna dye it so yeah :3 

Thanks for Reading :P

And I love all of you :3