This is going to be the hardest blog I've ever written, even harder than my last one. Pressing post will be super hard but it's going to be my way of admitting my weakness.
I've been fighting against self harm for a while now, I have been ignoring urges to start. This past week hasn't gone well for the battle. I was doing so well untill Wednesday night where I started itching my shoulder and without realising it I was scratching away the skin. I didn't feel bad about it, I felt better, I felt as if I could finaly sleep. For the next two days it happend every night to help me sleep. Then on the Saturday, I was tired, sick on not in a good mood so it happend but one step worce. I took the blade out of my hair razor and started cutting. But this didn't feel like I was doing it to sleep, it felt like I was doing it as a punishment. I'm not proud of myself for starting and worst of all carrying on. I feel like a scum bag but I just can't stop.
Im trying so hard to tell my friend but I don't want to do it over the Internet or phone, I want to do it face to face. Unfortunately I wont see her until school and I don't want to do it in there. I think it would destroy her. She told me befor I started, when I was just fighting the urge, that she didn't think she could cope if I started because I am the only one of our friend group who has been strong enough not to do it. But now I have, I'm not the strong one, I'm not the one giving out advice. I'm the one needing it.
I don't even I know why I'm posting this, it's horrible. I don't want people to know really but I feel as UFO must do this. Maybe I'm hoping my friend will see it and it won't be as hard to tell her, maybe I'm hoping for advice. I don't know. All I know is that I'm just another statistic. Another 2 in 10 teens self harming. Another child heading down the road of pain and suffering. Its not a fun place to be and I hate it, every it of it :( I wish I could stop... I just don't know how
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