My weird celebrity crush

I have a theory that everyone has a weird celebrity crush. Someone that you shouldn't really like or isn't that good looking but you have a thing for them anyway. Mine is Austin Carlile although some people would say that that doesn't count. I'm going to say it does because he's so different from the people I normally crush on. I know that my friend has Russell Brand for their weird crush. I don't really know what I'm writing about here do lets just put in some pics of Austin... Don't judge me. It's just a school girl crush hahaha xD

Being sick

Well hey guys. I've been ill lately. I didn't go to school yesterday and I'm not in today and I was feeling sick for a few days before this. I've been spending most the days in bed so far but today I've been keeping myself awake with Motionless in Whites new album infamous. So far it's sounding pretty good and I'm looking forward to seeing the video for Devils Night soon XD but yeah I just wanted to do something with my time so i wrote this. I will probably go back to sleep when I've finished listening to this album (currently on Underdog, so not long until I finish) or finally go eat some food.

Regrets and Realisation

It is currently past midnight. I have to go to school in the morning and I could really due with getting a good night sleep. This is my problem. I can't seem to get relaxed, as soon as I close my eyes my mind is filled with regret for everything I've ever done. I find my self blaming everyone for mistakes I have made. I blame my Mum for me cutting my hair yesterday. She kept telling me that I need it cut, so I did it my self. Now it's lost all its thinkness and looks like lesbian hair again. It's my fault for cutting it but I'm blaming my Mums words.
Then it hit me. I have a natural obsession to please people. My Mum kept saying to cut my hair, I didn't want to cut it. Intact I've been trying to grow it out for the past 3 year with little result. But to please my Mum I cut it and now deeply regret it. This need for people's approval explains so many divisions in my life and explains why I choose not to do things. It's why I get so sick of people calling me a lesbian. Because there not accepting me but a complete lie.
It appears that every half term I manage to get caught in a downward spiral of self hate and regret. It gets to the point where the only way I can make myself feel any better is by writing about it on here. I know it's risky but anyone could find this. But it's just part of my way on dealing with things. It lets me vent with out getting to much attention is any. Perfect because know ones judging me.
I know I haven't written on here in a while and just for the record, all that stuff I'm dealing with in my last posts have been sorted now. I may star writing on here more often with exams coming up. I can't promise anything though. I want to start making this blog to somewhere. Possibly self help, maybe music I've found that is inspiring. I'm not sure. All I know is that I want to write more and get my name out there.


*on a side note, my heart goes out to Mitch Luckers Family, Friends and all Suicide Silence fans. It's so sad that he died so young. I keep seeing pictures of his daughter with the quote "I won't see daddy anymore, he's in heaven." And honestly, my heart breaks. I hope she can grow up to see what her father meant to his fans and how his music changed their lives. She will be so proud of him.*

Im just another statistic

This is going to be the hardest blog I've ever written, even harder than my last one. Pressing post will be super hard but it's going to be my way of admitting my weakness.
I've been fighting against self harm for a while now, I have been ignoring urges to start. This past week hasn't gone well for the battle. I was doing so well untill Wednesday night where I started itching my shoulder and without realising it I was scratching away the skin. I didn't feel bad about it, I felt better, I felt as if I could finaly sleep. For the next two days it happend every night to help me sleep. Then on the Saturday, I was tired, sick on not in a good mood so it happend but one step worce. I took the blade out of my hair razor and started cutting. But this didn't feel like I was doing it to sleep, it felt like I was doing it as a punishment. I'm not proud of myself for starting and worst of all carrying on. I feel like a scum bag but I just can't stop.
Im trying so hard to tell my friend but I don't want to do it over the Internet or phone, I want to do it face to face. Unfortunately I wont see her until school and I don't want to do it in there. I think it would destroy her. She told me befor I started, when I was just fighting the urge, that she didn't think she could cope if I started because I am the only one of our friend group who has been strong enough not to do it. But now I have, I'm not the strong one, I'm not the one giving out advice. I'm the one needing it.
I don't even I know why I'm posting this, it's horrible. I don't want people to know really but I feel as UFO must do this. Maybe I'm hoping my friend will see it and it won't be as hard to tell her, maybe I'm hoping for advice. I don't know. All I know is that I'm just another statistic. Another 2 in 10 teens self harming. Another child heading down the road of pain and suffering. Its not a fun place to be and I hate it, every it of it :( I wish I could stop... I just don't know how

Somewhere to vent

I need a place to vent feelings, I've been needing it for sometime now but I haven't been able to find the right Place where I will be heard but my family wouldn't know, that used to be my YouTube but then my brother subscribed to me so now I have know where.

I feels as if the devil is on my shoulder, tempting me to things i promise my self I would never do. Everything is all over the place and I still can't deal with my friends self harming. It's tearing me appart when I here they've done it again, or show me the cuts! In side I'm being destroyed by built up anger, fear and depression. Its so tempting to start self harm, but I'm holding back, I can't do that to my friends. I feel as if I'm the only strong person they have to count on. It I go down that road, I can't imagen what would happen. Sometimes I just want to leave the house, walk to some random feild and stay there all night, get away from life for a few hours. Everything seems hard now, just waking up in the morning is a struggle. I hate it. I hate feeling helpless, I just want it to stop, all of it. It's killing me. So much to think about, so much to watch out for, so much to do. I just can't handle it. Eom even finding it hard to find inspiration to move forward in music, something that used to come naturally. I'm in a dark pit of my life. It seems that curling up and blanking everything is the only easy way to get through it but I just can't do it.

I can't really talk, my life is know where near as bad as some people's, infact it's not bad at all. Some people would envy my life I have family and friends who love me. I have everything I need but yet I feel so alone, more alone than ever!

drunk on Orangena!!

hay guys!!! I'm bk from france :3

SO yeah, it was so good snowboarding again and I'm glad i went.. even if i was the youngest there. The second youngest was in their last year of university so i was pretty young.

Getting the plain there was a pain because we had to wake up for 5AM!!! and it was on the day when the clocks changed so it ended up feeling like 4AM!!!!!!!! urrgggggg :( i was not a happy bunny

and then when we got there the line was huge!

see this picture, this was the loop point of the line. It starts near the beginning then bends round to the shops and back to the beginning. It took forever!!!!! so i was evil and sent all my friends text at like 6:30AM on a sunday, MWAHAHAHAAHAHAH!!!!

But other than that the flight was really good, short but good. I managed to listen to the albums:

Stand Up And Scream by Asking Alexandria

Bones by Young Guns

and half of Smart Casual by Kids In Glass Houses

it was fun :3

oh and did i mention that my nails were EPIC!!!!!!!!!!! 

Freakin' Super Mario Mushrooms!! 

From the hotel we had a really nice view of the mountains and shizz. there was also a really cute dog that bounced around the snow for ages then randomly dive into it. LOL

I ate sooooooooooo much food, it was terrible. Breakfast, snack, coffee break, Tea & Cake and a 3 Corce Meal. Not to mention my new love...

Harry Bow Smerfs <3

oh how i love them so much :')

I felt like i had to prove to people that there was snow because it was so late in the year so i went out for a walk one afternoon to the bunny slopes where i messed around with my camera :3

unfortunately we didn't get any of us actually snowboarding but i got these on coffee break :D

I also drank fuck loads go orangena!! that stuff is soo good. Im pretty sure that on the last night i got drunk on it. I hadn't drunken any alcohol because i don't drink but i did have like 8 orangenas and when i went to bed i felt sick! like honest to god I'm gonna puke!

Oh and did I mention that my hair was red agin.

If you read my last post i said i was gonna dye it so yeah :3 

Thanks for Reading :P

And I love all of you :3

hair??

ok so i have a plan of what to dye my hair like next but I'm not 100% yet...

what do you think?
i could either do a half and half like this....

but i would do it purple and pink and the majority o it would be purple :3

or...

ginger/red/orange like this...

what do you guys think ??? I'm not sure at all

please leave a comment saying what you think?? <3

black eye

I now have a black eye... I took a forehead to the face in rugby on Wednesday :3 For the rest of the day I looked like Quasimodo LOL

But yeah I've been taking pictures of it every day... [because tim cool] so yeah hers what i have so far.

Day 1: A few hours after rugby

Day 2

Day 3

Day 4

Love Everybody who actually reads these <3

fitness and junk..

basically me and my friend have decided to work out together. Well not work out butt.....

We do rugby together twice a week already and we skateboard every other saturday and walk to school together every day but we want, for a unknown reason, to take up yoga or something like that. =^.^= we thought it would be fun to do like after school or something.. but obesely the big picture is toning up for the summer so we can rock the bikini LOL :P

ADDICTED!!!!

Im soo addicted to the internet!! I realise this because of the amount of lives i have:
Facebook life, Twitter life, Youtube life, Blog life, Gothise life, Instagram life, Skype life and all the accounts i have on various clothing websites!
Its insane!!! ANd I'm defonatly addicted to twitter and instagram :3 I'm always on it on my iPod!!


What are you addicted to :3
<333333333333333333333

Blonde???

hay guys.. I'm really not sure if i should get rid of the blonde in my hair??
ATM i look like this -

I was thinking i would just go get a box dye thats the same as my natural colour??? Maybe get some black lowlights put in??
What do you think :3

NEW Twitter

Hay guys I had to get a new twitter because my old one was suspended :3 So this is it right here:

@chuckzilla_zone

or the link:

https://twitter.com/#!/chuckzilla_zone

Please follow me :3 i won't bite

urrrrgggg

urggggg guys I've lost my phone :(
And I'm like the most careful person EVER. I have never smashed the screen of a phone or iPod, i have never lost my iPod for longer than 10 mins, i have never ever lost my phone. I don't even have scratches on a touch screen phone I've had since year 8 (I'm in year 10 now).
Yet no... id had to fall out of my school bag :'(
SCREW YOU HUMANITY!!!!!

Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking dawn

I know, I know... but i had to read them... I wanted to know what every one was talking about :3

Now I'm not gonna tell you what there about because:
1. Everyone already knows
2. I can't be assed

I will tell you what I think of them though :3




Twilight:
I thought it was ok, not the best in the series but still good. I read it in 5 days which is a personal best for me :3 I personally though this one was the sappiest of them all but its original which I like.
New Moon:
I prefer this one to the first one. I liked the native story tellingness of it. You know with all the wolves. It took me 15 days to read this one :3
Eclipse:
I dont remember much of this one so it can't have been that good. It took me 11 days to read this one.
Breaking Dawn:
I really likes this one because its 3 books in one... I really liked the Jacob book because its from his prospective. It nice for a change form Bella. It took me 67 days to read all 3 books contained in this story.

I wold say only read these book if you want to, because you will get a reparation if your reading them for being either team edward or jacob  :/  It annoying :3

Inkheard Trilogy: Inkheart, Inkspell and Inkdeath

These are literally my FAVOURITE BOOOKS EVER!!! I freaking love 'em!! I have read the first two more than once and most of the last on but then it got hard to read so i quit :/ I will finish it but i think i may start all my books again :3

Inheart:
The first in the trilogy. About a girl Maggie and her father Moe. Her father is a book binder and has a magical power, when he reads book thinks step out of the pages. When he first discovered this he had read out 3 characters of the book inkheart. Dustfinger a fire whisperer, Capricorn an Evil emperor and Basta his right hand man. For years he manages to ignore them until one day Dustfinger changes everything. Now they have to destroy the problem Moe created.

It a really good book, that explanation doesn't do it justice. I would suggest it to anyone who likes mythical based stores!

Inkspell:
This one is all about Dustfinger getting home to the 'ink world'. When he leaves Maggie follows him into the 'ink world'. She finds herself in a world she doesn't recognise without her father Moe.
But then back home some left over characters from the first book seek to take revenge on Moe and Maggie. They attempt to read themselves into the 'ink world' too. They have to trick their way past the villain known as The Adderhead.

Once again, doesn't give it justice. Now this is my favourite book of the series. I just love the way its half in a world a fairy tails and half in the real world. I will and would suggest this book to everyone and anyone!!!

Inkdeath:
The dramatic end to the trilogy. The characters find themselves trapped in the 'ink world' fighting for there lives against what this strange world throws at them. The Adderhead is now in control of the entire 'ink world' and all hope lies on Moe to save the world from danger. Her is the knight of the people as to say.


Please read any of these books, there really good :3 thanks :3

Trainspotting and The Hobbit

I haven't read these book yet because it just came today. Im gonna read trainspotting first then the hobbit. Im looking forward to reading them :3 I can't Really tell you much about these books because i Haven't read them.... So i will just write whats on the back.

The Hobbit:
"Smaug came hurtling from the North, Licking the mountain-sides with claim, beating his great wings with a noise like a roaring wind"
'Whisked from his comfortable hobbit-hole by Gandalf the wizard and a band of dwarves, Bilbo Baggins finds himself caught up in a plot to raid the treasure hoard of Smaug the Magnificen, a large nd very dangerous dragon...'



Trainspotting: [hasn't got anything but reviews on the back so i will just put 2 of them]
'The Voice of Punk, Grown Up, Grown Wiser and Grown Eloquent' -sunday times
'The best book ever written by a man or woman... Deserves to sell more copies than the bible' -rebel inc



So yeah, I will one day tell you what i think of these and what their about... once i have read them :D

how to train your dragon: A Hero's Guide To Deadly Dragons

So yeah i know, very childish :/ .... and to make it worse I never actually finished it, i got to chapter 11 and gave up reading :3 Im gonna finnish it today so i can feel special ^.^


The stores basically Hiccup's dragon, Toothless, has eaten the book 'A Hero's Guide To Deadly Dragons'. A book his viking tribe finds very sacred also the only book in the village. So Hiccup breaks into the Library Labyrinth to find a copy of the book so his dad doesn't find out.

If you don't like racing I would suggest this book.... Its cool the way its written because like the size of the words change to show how its spoken. And it has PICTURES!!!!!!

books :3

ok so I'm trying to get back in to reading again :3 so i ordered 2 more books... this gave me a blog idea..
BOOOKSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so basicaly the next like couple of posts will be about all the books i own... NOT MANY.
I don't read much being Dyslexic and all! :3 Soo yeah look as my newer posts for them :3

Hair Colour

Hay guys... What hair colour should I go next. It's half term next week so I'm gonna go mad! I'm thinking either something to do with blue or fire/Hayley Williams during riot ginger. What do you think. The colours I have are:
4 shades of blue
2 shades of red
2 shades of orange
Yellow
Green
Purple
Pink
Black

Any colour any style... You decide :3 <3

Yes... Twitter

hay guys.... i decided that I will get Twitter
im @chuckzillazone

https://twitter.com/#!/chuckzillazone


follow me please :3

twiiter??

I'm thinking of getting a twitter. but I'm really not sure if i will.... hummmm hard choice!!

long time no type!!

hay guys.. long time since i blogged... well 8 days :3
so yeah.. i have like 3 new vids on my youtube channel now :3 they are a school related vlog, BVB makeup and hair and my videos from All Time Low....
btw ALL TIME LOW WERE AMAZING. I saw them in Yeovil on the 1st of Feb. :3 they were really good.. apparently they had to cut their set 3 songs short because alex's throat was hurting. But yeah.. I met the drummer of the Main too. I got his signature but not a picture with him, and I really don't know why. oh well. 
So yeah for the past 13 days I've been doing Les Miserables (cant spell it) the play for school. Im a back stage person. But thats has been fun :3 and exhausting!! Im so sleepy, today is my first day off in 2 weeks ish. And it doesn't help that I'm sick to the bone.
Anyway... just had to do a bit of an update :3
bye guys <3 love you all :3

Every one goes through musical stages. Like, for example, everyone used to not to be interested in music, they would listen to it but only on the radio really. Then they discover that one band, group or singer that changes it all. They listen to it over and over. Slowly expanding their music library with similar bands, groups or singers. Then one day they realise they have strayed so far from that first important band, group or singer. There music interests are more different than they would have guessed. And they realise that... the old them would have hated the majority of stuff they listen to now. Its an odd concept.


For me it is the same. I officially started with busted... but then they broke up and that destroyed my music life for years. The real band that changed me was Paramore. I loved them so much. Its funny. I used to think i was so emo because i listened to one pop/rock band over and over again. I cut my hair really short but kept the fringe, i wore black, skinnys and tried to hard to be an 'emo'. I now realise that i was a total poser :3 But anyway my musical taste started to expand with You Me At Six and All Time Low etc. I eventually went from pop/rock to punk/rock with blink 182 and green day. Then i hit the drop... I discovered My Chemical Romance. This really kicked off my musical story! From MCR i got heavier and heavier! I discovered The Blackout, Deaf Havana and other bands with half scream. From this I went into Avenged Sevenfold, Asking Alexandria and Slipknot. Only today when I was listening to Young Guns did I realise how much more verity i have on my iPod. If young, 'emo' wanna be got a hold of my iPod they would have hated it. Its odd how you can change :/

I mean I have to admit, I still have a Emo hair cut (but its a lot longer now), I still am obsessed with skinnys, BUT THIS TIME!... Im not trying to be emo, Infact I'm not trying to be anything except chuckzilla :3 LOVE YOU ALL.. PS I'm trying my hardest to get this new makeup tutorial up on my youtube channel, Its just i haven't got much time on my hand to upload it! but I will put it up! As Soon As Fucking Posibal!!!!

UUURRRRGGG!

URGGGG! I'm trying to upload a video it my youtube channel but it just won't work!!! PFFFFFTTT this is gonna take forever!!

eeeek :L

i got parents evening :L hope it goes well :/

my theory

ok so its 2012 right, people are paranoid about the world ending in some horrible form... 
This is my theory....
Some sort of apocalypse will happen later in the year. And i know what your thinking.. Thats a bit vague chuckzilla, do you not have anything better! Well if you listen up i will tell you. 
Their are 3 apocalypse options:
1. Zombie apocalypse, you know like in the movies... every last person with a gun for them selves.
2. Cat apocalypse, their all gonna weak up from their nap one day and kill us all with cuteness
3. Ginger apocalypse, one day they will get so fed up of people making fun of them that they will over through humanity!
4. Outcast apocalypse, like the hole Black Veil Brides the rock 'emo' alternative kids that never had a chance will rise and create a new world.
If wear lucky, it will be Zombie Cats with Ginger fur listening to Rock music! Now thats an awesome image. 
For my it doesn't matter, either way I'm living. My brothers friend is totally prepared for a zombie attack. Cats love me. Im part ginger and I am a Rock kid!! Every time I have a chance!!! Brilliant! I do love being me 

:3 =^.^= (>'.')> <3 <('.'<) :P ^.- 

you jelly!!

yeah i know you are!!

photobooth is adictive :3

Soo Lisha came round and look what happened LOL

LOL NEVER PLAY WITH PHOTOBOOTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!